The Moment You Stop Chasing Approval, People Start Taking You Seriously
“Somewhere between your third unnecessary apology and your fifth forced smile, you quietly gave away your power.”
Let me start with a confession.
At some point in your life—maybe even right now—you became very good at being liked.
You reply fast. You agree politely. You laugh at jokes that aren’t funny. You soften your opinions. You explain yourself too much. You say “no worries” when there are worries.
And yet…
For some strange reason:
People interrupt you
Your ideas get ignored until someone louder repeats them
You’re trusted with work, but not with authority
You’re appreciated, but not respected
And the worst part? You can’t even complain.
Because everyone thinks you’re “such a nice person.”
Welcome to the invisible tax of approval-seeking.
This article is not here to insult you. It’s here to wake you up.
Because 500 years ago, a brutally honest man named Niccolò Machiavelli warned us about this exact trap.
And almost no one listened.
The Silent Deal You Didn’t Know You Signed
Approval-seeking doesn’t begin as weakness.
It begins as survival.
As a child:
You’re liked when you behave
Praised when you agree
Rewarded when you don’t cause trouble
So your brain learns a simple equation:
Approval = Safety
Fast forward to adulthood. The environment has changed. But the equation hasn’t.
Now you’re in offices, meetings, families, friendships, social media.
Still chasing safety. Still chasing approval.
But here’s the brutal twist:
Adult systems don’t reward approval-seeking. They exploit it.
Machiavelli observed this clearly:
“Men are ungrateful, fickle, false, cowardly, and greedy.”
Not because people are evil. But because self-interest quietly outranks affection.
So when you try too hard to be liked, people don’t admire you.
They use you.
Why Liking Feels Good—but Destroys Authority
Let’s be honest.
Being liked feels amazing. It’s warm. It’s validating. It’s addictive.
Your brain releases tiny fireworks: Dopamine. Acceptance. Belonging.
But respect?
Respect is colder. Respect doesn’t clap. Respect doesn’t reassure you.
Respect stands at a distance.
And here’s the uncomfortable truth Machiavelli hinted at:
Closeness creates affection. Distance creates respect.
The moment you blur boundaries:
You become negotiable
Your words lose weight
Your presence loses gravity
People don’t disrespect you because they’re bad. They disrespect you because you trained them to.
Every time you:
Avoided conflict to keep peace
Said yes when you wanted to say no
Explained instead of asserting
You sent a silent message:
“My comfort matters less than yours.”
And humans—without malice—believe messages they repeatedly receive.
The Office Scene You Know Too Well
Picture this.
A meeting. Ten people. One idea—you said it first.
Silence.
Five minutes later, someone else says the same thing.
Everyone nods. The manager says, “Great point.”
You sit there, smiling politely.
Inside?
A small funeral.
You tell yourself:
“Maybe I didn’t explain it well.”
No. You explained it too well.
You diluted it with politeness. You wrapped it in permission.
Machiavelli would smirk.
Because power doesn’t respond to hesitation. It responds to certainty.
Machiavelli’s Uncomfortable Insight (Modern Translation)
Machiavelli famously wrote:
“It is better to be feared than loved, if one cannot be both.”
Relax. He wasn’t telling you to become a villain.
What he meant was simpler—and more dangerous:
Never make your value dependent on affection.
Because:
Love is emotional
Love is conditional
Love evaporates under pressure
But respect?
Respect survives disagreement.
You can be disliked and still followed. You can be unpopular and still influential.
But you can’t be disrespected and powerful.
The Day You Stop Explaining Yourself Too Much
There is a specific day in every person’s life when things shift.
It’s the day you:
Give a short answer
Hold eye contact
Let silence hang
Don’t rush to justify yourself
People notice.
They feel… unsettled.
Not because you became rude. But because you became unavailable for manipulation.
Approval-seekers overshare. Respected people state and stop.
One says:
“I think maybe this could work, but I’m open to suggestions…”
The other says:
“This is the approach I recommend.”
Same intelligence. Different energy.
The Loneliness Nobody Warns You About
Let’s not lie.
When you stop chasing approval:
Some people pull away
Some get uncomfortable
Some call you “changed”
You have.
You changed from available to anchored.
Machiavelli warned:
“He who seeks to be loved by all will end up ruined.”
Because mass approval requires self-erasure.
And self-erasure always ends in quiet resentment.
Yes, the path of respect is lonelier.
But it’s also lighter.
No more emotional gymnastics. No more rehearsed niceness. No more begging energy.
Just presence.
A Simple Test (That Will Sting)
Ask yourself:
Do people check with me—or inform me?
Do they negotiate—or assume?
Do they listen when I speak—or wait to talk?
These answers reveal something uncomfortable:
Respect is behavioral, not verbal.
People show it. They don’t announce it.
The Truth
Here it is. The line you’ll remember.
The moment you stop chasing approval, you stop auditioning for your own life.
And auditioning is exhausting.
Machiavelli didn’t teach cruelty. He taught clarity.
Clarity of position. Clarity of boundaries. Clarity of self-worth.
You don’t need to dominate. You don’t need to manipulate.
You just need to stop kneeling emotionally.
Final Words (Read Slowly)
You were never meant to be liked by everyone.
You were meant to be taken seriously by yourself first.
Respect doesn’t come from volume. It comes from alignment.
Stand still. Speak clean. Say less. Mean more.
And watch the room recalibrate.
“Approval makes you likable. Boundaries make you unforgettable.”
— ThinkUpWise
